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However, if the idea of seeking to understand your ex's position or struggle feels distasteful, remember that it is the choice to view a problem through the other person's eyes that is often the most practical and skillful step employed by the world's greatest negotiators.
However, as a psychologist, I have had the privilege of having skillful and resourceful divorcing parents teach me over the years about a path to personal peace that is available for distressed moms and dads. "What goes around, comes around," or, in more biblical terms, "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." All of the major wisdom traditions teach us to focus on giving respect before expecting it from others.On one level, choosing to view the world, or a particular problem, through your ex's eyes is a path to compassion that can dampen some of your own suffering: Remember when Toto, in the , peeks behind the curtain to reveal a frightened, insecure person behind the false image of the fuming, frightening wizard?Peeking behind that same curtain with your ex can help you to remember his or her humanity and to feel less distress.For a very real percentage of divorcing parents, however, the process of parting and the years that follow involve the cascade of frustrating, infuriating, and hurtful exchanges.Two people who once vowed to spend the rest of their lives together may suddenly view one another as enemies, or at least as deficient or irresponsible parents.